So this is what rich people do...

I have to face the facts… I’m rich. I have a warm house. I have a full stomach. I get to eat fun things like ice cream and coffee. I get a warm bed when I get home. I get to take a shower every day. I get to sleep for at least 7 hours every night. I get to travel to other countries. I get to spend money on things like presents for other people, snacks on a road trip or zip-lining in the canopy of the rainforest. I have ridiculous amounts of clothes. I have medicine available. I have an international health insurance that covers everything from a cold to a heart-attack. I can read, write and think critically. I can decide what I think or where I want to live or what I want to do with the rest of my life. Shoot, I can decide which shampoo I want to buy. I can even walk into a store and pay $6 for a cup of pretty coffee and a raspberry scone… I could do that once a week if I wanted to… I could go on for days about how rich I am… it’s just funny that I always thought of myself as “middle class”. I had no idea.

I’ve been researching donors for the past 2 weeks and have been, once again, disappointed. Did you know that donors in the States give an average of 2% of their income at best? Or that the best statistic for church giving is 5% of income? So much for 10% tithe, huh? Did you further know that poorer people (those who make $15,000 or less a year) give a far higher percentage of their income (26%) than the middle class? Also, did you know that the U.S. could’ve given billions more to others without changing their standard of living?

Obviously, this is 2 weeks of researching other peoples’ research, so take it as it is… but as far as I can see, I’m bummed. One of the authors argued that generosity was more important to people than freedom, but I beg to differ. I think that generosity is a huge part of American culture – generosity as we know it, that is. I think my definition of generosity was so watered down that I thought of it as giving the excess of my money after I’d bought the Starbucks and the new CD I wanted and that shirt I just had to have (because my other 30 didn’t suffice).

I’m not saying I was an absolutely horrible person, so please don’t feel the need to make me feel better. I’m just saying that seeing true generosity has challenged my definition of what generosity and hospitality means. When Jesus talks about giving your brother a second coat if he takes one, I understand it a little better now. I was thinking about the generosity of the family in Nicaragua – of the probably 5 or 6 shirts my grandpa there owned, he gave me one of them. I’m so humbled and ashamed at my lack of understanding – of what life is really about. They gave without expecting anything in return… what incredible people.

That brings my thoughts to today… I’m officially scarred for life, I’ve decided. We went to take a tour at Café Britt, a coffee place that sells organic coffee that’s supposed to be pretty amazing. We were there with a bunch of other tourists, learning about the coffee beans and the coffee making process. Then we all sat down to eat INCREDIBLE food – such delicate flavors and incredible care in the preparation. Then it hit me. This is what rich people do. We learn about things and eat good food and chat and have fun together. We leave the food on our plates that we just don’t care for – sometimes more than some eat in one day. I couldn’t help thinking about the starving people all over the world – or the ones who die from malnutrition. Or the prostitutes worldwide who sacrifice their bodies to eat the next day and to provide food for their families. They didn’t choose that life. They didn’t just wake up one day and say, “hey! I know! I think I’ll go starve myself to death for the hell of it… I know that if I’d just work harder at things I could really be successful in the world, but I’d prefer to sit here on my ass and be lazy. After all, the cup of rice I eat each week is free, right?” No, I don’t think so.

I was talking to my friend, Ryan, about it… and we just can’t figure out what to do with that. Do I go live a life of poverty so that I can understand it more and at least not be counted with those whose opportunities come at the cost of exploiting others? I don’t think that’d be a horrible idea, but it still wouldn’t do much. Why do I get to be sitting here, airing my opinions on my very limited knowledge of poverty while they shiver each night, hoping to die soon so they don’t have to pay attention to the gnawing pain in their stomachs? They have no voice… and so many people are trying to give them a voice… but what can I do? I can’t save the world… I can’t be the voice for India, China, Vietnam, Iraq, the Sudan, Brazil, the Bris-Bris, the Mexicans and the U.S. crack babies. But I know that I can do something because I’ve seen people change the world.

I’ve seen people change the world mostly through love. But I’ve also seen people live an existence of just loving their families and those close to them and enjoying their long lives… why do I feel that I just can’t do that? I don’t feel like I have the privilege of living an incredible life of opportunity when there are so many that suffer.

I wouldn’t trade these thoughts for the world. Something Ryan said was that we should never get to a place where sitting in front of abundance doesn’t hurt us just a little. We should never get so numb to others’ pain that we simply go through life and forget what’s going on around us just because it doesn’t immediately affect us…

I went white-water rafting on Sunday and had an incredible time – I’ll remember it forever and I hope to do it again. At the same time, I couldn’t help thinking… I wonder if Saira would’ve liked to do this. Saira was a little girl I hung out with in Mexico, who’s Mom died of cancer after having 3 children. Saira should be about 14 by now…

I’m not entirely sure what to do with all this… If anyone’s ever read Plato’s analogy of the Cave, that’s how I feel right now. I keep getting closer and closer to reality, but things are still very fuzzy at the moment. Maybe heaven’s where things get clearer?

Speaking of heaven, I’ve been thinking about Jesus a lot lately, purely from the perspective that he was a man. Yes, of course I believe He was God, but besides that point, he was a good man. If you’ve never read the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John), I really suggest at least reading that part of the Bible. And I suggest reading them in chronological order, cause it keeps the stories from getting super confusing. Whether you believe he’s the son of God or not, he was so awesome. He just loved people.

He saw beyond what I can see – he saw peoples’ potential, not their failures. He taught people to treat others like they’d want to be treated. He cared more about the janitor cleaning Carnegie Hall than about Mr. Carnegie himself. He hung out more with the dish-washers than he did with Emeril Lagassi. He fought for justice. He spread truth. He oozed with compassion.

It sounds cliché, growing up in church and everything, but I’d really like to sit down and drink some coffee with Jesus. I’d really like to just soak up all that wisdom he had – all that patience with people who didn’t understand. All that courage to speak out against corruption and abuse. What an incredible man. I think that He was probably most effective because he wasn't afraid to lose his life. He knew He was gonna die anyways, so why freak out about people who might want to kill him?

I feel like we’re always taught about this nice little Jesus who loved everyone equally and died on the cross for our sins. The end. But you know what? He was pretty fiesty! He picked a fight with the Pharisees – essentially, the Senators of Jesus’ time, I think. They didn’t just kill him because they were following a plan so that Jesus could rise from the dead. Sure, God had a plan, but it was logical. Jesus told the political powers that they were like white-washed tombs. I guess the best analogy for us would be like coffee cups that have only been washed on the outside for the last 10 years. The followed all the “rules” about what to eat and what to wear and where to stand (what people could see) but were dirty, greedy and power-hungry on the inside. Jesus fought against this hypocrisy.

And Jesus taught about the Kingdom of God… That’s the gospel! It’s not that there’s good news and bad news – bad news, we’re goin’ to hell and good news, Jesus saved us. That’s like saying the purpose of life is to breathe and die. Well, yeah, breathing’s important… but there’s so much more to life than breathing and then not. Yeah, Jesus’ death on the cross is important, but there’s so much more to the gospel than that! I guess my frustration is that, if the kingdom of God is so super important to Jesus, why don’t we spend more time learning about it in church?

And how come I never got taught that Jesus was a snotty-nosed little poor boy whose step-dad worked construction? Why is it that we don’t think of Mary and Jesus playing hide-and-go-seek? Why is it that we forget that Jesus’ first recorded miracle was turning water into the best-tasting wine to enjoy the party? How come Jesus always has to be so abstract and boring? What is so blasphemous about making him be a real human being? Sure, he was God. And sure, he was an incredible man who I can only pray to emulate… but I bet he had smile wrinkles. I bet his mom told him stories at bedtime when he was little. I bet he had doubts and questions about life, even though he technically knew all the answers. I bet he had mud wars with his brothers and sisters. I bet he built forts in the rocks… Or maybe he even skinned his knee and cried. I know he loved people – I know he went to dinner and chillaxed with some “skanky hoars” and some creepy politicians. Interesting, huh? Why’d it take me so long to see that?

I dunno… I have so many thoughts – these are the tip of a very big iceberg. I’m a little nervous to come home cause I know how much my mindset has changed. I still cling to scripture and pray my heart out, because that’s the only thing that stays true for me, no matter what I learn. Maybe it’s cause I can’t handle losing anything else I hold so dear. Or maybe I just super-admire this incredible man who loved so much without expecting anything in return but more love.

Another one of the things I’m clinging to is what my friend Mindy said – that the point of life is the journey. In my journey I’m learning, I’m making mistakes and I’m doing some things right. I’ve realized that that’s what we’re all doing. We’re all on a journey, searching for truth and purpose…

For the moment, I want my life to be characterized by love, integrity, justice and compassion. I want to give a voice to those who don’t have one. I want to come home with more than just a paycheck – with the knowledge that my work that day made the world a better place. And maybe I’ll only affect 3 or 4 people. Maybe I won’t change the world and make people understand environmental issues, human rights issues and about what love is. Maybe I’ll never totally understand those things. But I’m gonna take a stab at giving my “two cents” in the right direction. At least those 3 or 4 people will live in peace. And maybe those 3 or 4 people will help 3 or 4 other people, until we finally live in a world where people know what love means.

My dream for the world is that we’d live in constant humility, learning from each other and wanting the best for each other. That we’d love like Jesus did – not just loving people who do good to us, but loving people who hurt our feelings, piss us off, steal from us or hurt our family. That we’d love like Mother Theresa did – investing time in those whose time is short – touching and stroking those whose skin is covered in puss-filled wounds. That we’d fight like Martin Luther King did – with peace and courage and persistence. That’d we’d never give up doing what’s right for the sake of convenience or “development”. That’d we’d hold those with power accountable for using their power for good and not for evil. That’d we’d never forget to look at the sunset or the pretty flowers on our way to the bus or the way we can see our breath when it’s cold. That we’d be fascinated by the incredible beauty of the world around us and it’s beings. That’d we’d respect the earth we don’t deserve to enjoy…

Those are my dreams… for now. Again, it’s just the tip of the iceberg – they’re my raw feelings, scribbled down in a moment of passion and thoughtfulness. They’re not totally coherent and nothing that’ll get published in a book, but they’re a reflection of my 21-year-old mind, figuring out what I’m here for… In my journey, my ideas will always be changing, but I hope those changes will only lead me closer and closer to Jesus’ love, passion, truth and wisdom… Just like Jesus was a good man, I want to look back and say that I was a good woman.


Here’s part of what the gospel is about (aka: here’s what Jesus says about the Kingdom of God):

“Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.” Luke 6:20

“After this, Jesus traveled about from one town and village to another, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom of God.” Luke 8:1

“I tell you the truth: Among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.” Matthew 11:11

“Again he [Jesus] said, ‘What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it? It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest seed you plant in the ground. Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds of the air can perch in its shade.’” Mark 4:30-32, Matthew 13:31-32

“The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.” Matthew 13:45-46

“Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness.” Matthew 9:35

These are just tidbits... what does everyone else think?