Nicaragua, day ten
This morning I got up early to say goodbye to Javier, DaMaris and my other Uncle. I mostly just sat and watched them run around until they finally had to go. It was hard to say goodbye – hard to know what to say or how to act. I knew I would miss them terribly… I almost cried again – tears welling up in my eyes, being so sad to leave these incredible people that I’d only met 6 days earlier. But they hold such a special place in my heart. I think the reason it was so hard is that I don’t have an exact time when I’m going to see them again. That’s hard for me. When I know that I’ll see someone again, it never bothers me to leave or watch them leave. It’s when I’m unsure of seeing them that it hurts. How special but how hard it is to grow so close to a family and then have to leave. I started to understand more why one of my best friends, Cari, who’s an MK has guarded her heart from growing super attached to people. It rips you up every time you have to say goodbye…
Tomasa came over and did my hair in a very typical Nicaraguan style and then they let me know that I’d be taking my Aunt’s shoes with me. I decided to give my shoes to my Aunt and sorta trade as well as leave a shirt that she’d liked. I left it with a note, thanking them for their incredible generosity and huge impact on my life. I honestly cannot go on with my life being the same person, having seen them and their community. The love they have is just indescribable – I feel like I’m seeing Jesus again in a different way. How neat to see Him in all different places. Then I packed up all my stuff and they gave me my abuelo’s shirt to wear. I looked pretty hilarious, but I felt so loved. I didn’t really care what I looked like because my heart was so full… I had to say goodbye to everyone and then leave with my sisters to go to Masaya. Again, I cried but couldn’t really stop for a while. It just hurt so bad. I felt like I was hurting them as well. I don’t know if I can keep doing this – attaching and loving people and then maybe never seeing them again. It’s a horrible feeling. I fully intend to go back and visit, but there’s always that doubt in my mind…
As we walked down the muddy road toward the bus stop, all the little kids were yelling goodbye and wishing me luck – they watched until we were out of sight. Then we took the bus to Masaya and I set up email for both Anielca and Tomasa. It’ll be so fun to have friends to write to in Spanish… And it’s just reassuring that we’ll keep in contact. We left from there to meet up to go to Granada which was about 40 minutes away. On the bus ride, we shared all our ups and downs and I just thought about how blessed I had been to be with the best family in Nicaragua. They were so incredible. I can’t say it enough.
We arrived to a hostel in Granada which felt like heaven – the showers were luke-warm and had real walls. The toilets were real and you could flush them and sit on them without worrying about a cockroach crawling up your leg. The beds were soft and amazing. We got to have one piece of our smelly laundry cleaned and when they came back, they smelled like laundry sheets. We got to eat whatever we wanted for dinner and lie in the hammock and just relax if we wanted to. There was a pool where we could just float around and hang out in. It seriously was the most perfect place, after having lived in the campo.
We went out to get some food for dinner and check out Granada a little bit, when my heart was torn again. How many times do we get hit in one day? While in Masaya, I’d decided that it was silly not to just give to the people who were giving, because they didn’t really have any opportunities to get government help – it was obvious that the only thing they were going to get was from those of us that gave. I can give to every single person who asks me and still have plenty of money to spend on gifts and silly trinkets. So, I decided to do just that. But when the little boy outside the market just asked me to buy him some juice, I was so touched. It was weird cause I acted so cold towards him, but inside I think I was just hurting. I bought him juice and bread and ice cream and a banana. When I got outside, I told him that he should just not tell anyone else where he got it. I just felt like I didn’t know what to do with him. But I’m sure practice makes perfect. This time I met his physical needs but maybe didn’t treat quite well as a person by maybe asking his name or getting to know him a little bit. But next time, I can be on the lookout to do just that. I just don’t want to let him down – especially little kids are hard for me.
Alicia and I were talking about it later and we seem to be on the same page. Even if they do use the money for drinking, at least that’s temporarily making their lives better. Once we give, we don’t have to be entirely responsible as to where they spend it. Maybe it’ll even keep a kid from getting hit that night because he didn’t make his quota. Whatever. We’ll just give and trust the Lord to do good things with our money. Not that we’re gonna do that with huge investments – we’re gonna make sure if we’re donating a ton of our money to a certain group of people that they’re actually doing what they say they’re doing. However, with these people who are begging on the streets for their livelihood, I don’t feel the need to play 20 questions every time. I feel like this goes along with the spirit of Christ. Although He knew their hearts in every instance, He gave freely to those who asked and received. I’ll still have to ponder that, but it just seems like loving in this way is good.
Later on that night, Steve, Sara, Heidi and I were having a discussion as to what the purpose of life is. I’m not convinced that the only purpose of life is to get everyone to become a Christian, which I’ve often been told. From what I can tell so far, it seems like the purpose of life is to glorify God through wise love. It just seems consistent throughout Scripture that wisdom, love and glorifying God are super important. I don’t know how effective it is to argue with people about doctrine, though I’m not underestimating the importance of solid doctrine. I’m just saying that in my life, I think I’d rather have a life characterized by a discerning, wise love who honors God with my words and my actions rather than knowing all the answers to everything, which we can never really do… I think knowing my purpose in life drives a lot of what I do, but at the same time I’m realizing that the stupid speaker may have had a point. Maybe a lot of life is just living and just being. I wonder what Martin Luther King Jr. would say to that. Or Mother Teresa. Or Jesus. I need to read more about these three – 3 people that have changed the world… what were their basic perspectives on life? Or Ghandi. Or anyone who’s made the world a better place to be in…
Tomasa came over and did my hair in a very typical Nicaraguan style and then they let me know that I’d be taking my Aunt’s shoes with me. I decided to give my shoes to my Aunt and sorta trade as well as leave a shirt that she’d liked. I left it with a note, thanking them for their incredible generosity and huge impact on my life. I honestly cannot go on with my life being the same person, having seen them and their community. The love they have is just indescribable – I feel like I’m seeing Jesus again in a different way. How neat to see Him in all different places. Then I packed up all my stuff and they gave me my abuelo’s shirt to wear. I looked pretty hilarious, but I felt so loved. I didn’t really care what I looked like because my heart was so full… I had to say goodbye to everyone and then leave with my sisters to go to Masaya. Again, I cried but couldn’t really stop for a while. It just hurt so bad. I felt like I was hurting them as well. I don’t know if I can keep doing this – attaching and loving people and then maybe never seeing them again. It’s a horrible feeling. I fully intend to go back and visit, but there’s always that doubt in my mind…
As we walked down the muddy road toward the bus stop, all the little kids were yelling goodbye and wishing me luck – they watched until we were out of sight. Then we took the bus to Masaya and I set up email for both Anielca and Tomasa. It’ll be so fun to have friends to write to in Spanish… And it’s just reassuring that we’ll keep in contact. We left from there to meet up to go to Granada which was about 40 minutes away. On the bus ride, we shared all our ups and downs and I just thought about how blessed I had been to be with the best family in Nicaragua. They were so incredible. I can’t say it enough.
We arrived to a hostel in Granada which felt like heaven – the showers were luke-warm and had real walls. The toilets were real and you could flush them and sit on them without worrying about a cockroach crawling up your leg. The beds were soft and amazing. We got to have one piece of our smelly laundry cleaned and when they came back, they smelled like laundry sheets. We got to eat whatever we wanted for dinner and lie in the hammock and just relax if we wanted to. There was a pool where we could just float around and hang out in. It seriously was the most perfect place, after having lived in the campo.
We went out to get some food for dinner and check out Granada a little bit, when my heart was torn again. How many times do we get hit in one day? While in Masaya, I’d decided that it was silly not to just give to the people who were giving, because they didn’t really have any opportunities to get government help – it was obvious that the only thing they were going to get was from those of us that gave. I can give to every single person who asks me and still have plenty of money to spend on gifts and silly trinkets. So, I decided to do just that. But when the little boy outside the market just asked me to buy him some juice, I was so touched. It was weird cause I acted so cold towards him, but inside I think I was just hurting. I bought him juice and bread and ice cream and a banana. When I got outside, I told him that he should just not tell anyone else where he got it. I just felt like I didn’t know what to do with him. But I’m sure practice makes perfect. This time I met his physical needs but maybe didn’t treat quite well as a person by maybe asking his name or getting to know him a little bit. But next time, I can be on the lookout to do just that. I just don’t want to let him down – especially little kids are hard for me.
Alicia and I were talking about it later and we seem to be on the same page. Even if they do use the money for drinking, at least that’s temporarily making their lives better. Once we give, we don’t have to be entirely responsible as to where they spend it. Maybe it’ll even keep a kid from getting hit that night because he didn’t make his quota. Whatever. We’ll just give and trust the Lord to do good things with our money. Not that we’re gonna do that with huge investments – we’re gonna make sure if we’re donating a ton of our money to a certain group of people that they’re actually doing what they say they’re doing. However, with these people who are begging on the streets for their livelihood, I don’t feel the need to play 20 questions every time. I feel like this goes along with the spirit of Christ. Although He knew their hearts in every instance, He gave freely to those who asked and received. I’ll still have to ponder that, but it just seems like loving in this way is good.
Later on that night, Steve, Sara, Heidi and I were having a discussion as to what the purpose of life is. I’m not convinced that the only purpose of life is to get everyone to become a Christian, which I’ve often been told. From what I can tell so far, it seems like the purpose of life is to glorify God through wise love. It just seems consistent throughout Scripture that wisdom, love and glorifying God are super important. I don’t know how effective it is to argue with people about doctrine, though I’m not underestimating the importance of solid doctrine. I’m just saying that in my life, I think I’d rather have a life characterized by a discerning, wise love who honors God with my words and my actions rather than knowing all the answers to everything, which we can never really do… I think knowing my purpose in life drives a lot of what I do, but at the same time I’m realizing that the stupid speaker may have had a point. Maybe a lot of life is just living and just being. I wonder what Martin Luther King Jr. would say to that. Or Mother Teresa. Or Jesus. I need to read more about these three – 3 people that have changed the world… what were their basic perspectives on life? Or Ghandi. Or anyone who’s made the world a better place to be in…
posted by Sings in the Sunshine at
6:02 PM
1 Comments:
Wow, Vanessa, this is heavy stuff. Whenever someone asks me the purpose of life, my quick answer is "to glorify God". But then you have to get into what that means...
By
Dave Bourgeois, at 10:17 PM
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